A Poem for Tante Vera
I’ve been thinking a lot about Tante VeraΒ these last days, since she passed away suddenly, but not altogether unexpectedly, on Friday.Β I do have regrets. Knowing that her remaining time was limited, and wanting to share time hearing more of her life’s stories, I had planned to Skype with her. But my schedule was hectic, and I botched up two attempts.
I unintentionally stood her up. Twice.
Then, I felt so ashamed about it, that I didn’t reach out again. I was thinking I would still have time, that I could apologize, and we could chat again. But there won’t be an again.
Well, I suppose there’s no use in beating ourselves up about these things. We just have to try to be grateful for the time we’ve had. Try to live in the moment, appreciating and making room in our lives for those we love. Also, we should be kind to ourselves, because we all make mistakes.
Looking Back
Living in Germany as a child, I remember staying with Tante Vera for visits, and looking up to her children — my cousins — who were older than I was and, therefore, ΓΌber-cool and impressive in my mind! Particularly my cousin Roger.
These were the days when music videos were something new and exciting. Think: Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” or A-ha’s “Take On Me.” I also distinctly remember watching the video “Our House” by Madness, and was completely mesmerized.Β
Roger could do this little trick where he would turn the TV on and off by snapping his fingers. Up to that point in time I had never encountered a remote control, so — a wide-eyed eight-year-old — I thought that Roger possessed magical powers from another dimension!
I am grateful for the memories and time we all spent together.
When I was twenty-one years old, I moved from Hawaii to Germany to take intensive German-language courses in Limburg an der Lahn, and then later in Wiesbaden as well. Tante Vera helped me so much. She looked into the language schools ahead of time to find one that would be suitable for me and affordable for my parents. Then she helped me get settled into my new life in Germany.
Later she spent considerable time sorting through the extremely bureaucratic application process for getting my German citizenship. That wasn’t a fun task, I’m sure. If it weren’t for Tante Vera, I probably would not have my dual citizenship today.
After that time spent in Germany in my early twenties, many years passed before I saw Tante Vera again. I’m thankful I was able to reconnect with her in November of 2016, directly before my first solo journey to MoroccoΒ (the tripΒ that connected me with the family of my deceased birth father).Β
Lately I find myself using the words grateful and thankful a lot. While life throws curveballs our way, I find there is still always so much to be thankful for. I’m grateful I could spend those days with Tante Vera in 2016. She told me incredible stories about her life, stories I hope to share one day. I only wish I could have clarified more details, and asked more questions while I had the chance.
Thinking about everything that’s been going on in my life recently inspired me to write this poem last night. It’s an ode — not only to Tante Vera and her life — but to the beauty of life in general, and to the precious nature of time. Also, it’s a reminder to sing your life’s song. As the famous Oscar Wilde quote goes, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”
A Poem For Tante Vera
Heart Song
Life is rich
Life is full
Of blessings many
But trials too
Iβm ever grateful
Every day
For kindred souls
Who pass my way
They may stay short
Or tarry long
Tug at my heart
With their life's song
So sing it trembling
Or sing it clear
But sing it, dear
Sing it, dear.
Our time is short
Must we be strong
When life takes turns
And love is gone?
A love is gone.
In 2016 we did small things that I enjoyed and now treasure. Tante Vera took me to the Christmas Market in Limburg an der Lahn.
She cooked for me and told me stories of surviving the war, of escaping from the former East, of beginning a new life in West Germany as a young woman, and of later starting a family and moving to Australia. I’m thankful for these memories.
In loving memory: Rest well, Tante Vera.
Thanks for listening to me work through these thoughts that I’ve put into words. Until next time, peace and love and joy to you. And gratitude.
I’m sorry for your loss, Stefanie.
I lost my dad 6yrs ago, and I still regret the questions not asked, the calls postponed, etc. Over time I came to realize that even if I asked all the questions I’ve already thought of, I’d end up with more over time. It will never end. So I try to remember the answers to the questions already asked, and the memories already provided. They gave us what they could in the time they were here, and now it’s up to us to carry it all forward.
Easier said than done of course, and I fail a LOT. Fortunately, it looks like you’re already on the right track.
Take good care.
Hi Paul,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I don’t even want to think about losing a parent. What an incredibly difficult thing to go through. You are right though. I guess it’s human nature to think of the “what ifs” or to have regrets. But it’s all on a spectrum in a sense. Sure, there’s always more we could have done, but why not be grateful for what we have done and for the time we got to spend together? Thanks for sharing this perspective. And for stopping by. Take care.
Love is not gone. Youβll be thinking of her, and you will be connected with her in thought. When I first started reading your poem I was reminded of βI hear America singing β , maybe because of the stanza. Youβve got a great talent, Stef.
You are so right, Uli. Tante Vera remains with us in memory. She does live on with us. And thank you for your much appreciated kind words.
Sorry about your aunt, Stefanie. Beautiful poem.
Great running into you the other day. Hope we see you soon.
Thank you, Kenny. I’m glad we ran into each other the other day! Hopefully I can catch up with you and Eva again soon!